Pee-pee in the Potty!

Major milestone was reached yesterday as we got ready to head to the beach. Peanut allowed me to put her on the potty and she didn't let me down. At school, Peanut often goes to the potty during diaper changes for her teachers however; at home we are met with strict resistance whenever we offer the potty option. After going through the training phase with Tiger I learned my lesson on pushing the potty-thing. Later, I took the kids to the beach on my own and had a great time watching Peanut and Tiger playing in the sand near the surf.

The Small-town was too White. (Or you moved where?)

My budding family originally rooted itself in a Norman Rockwell painting of a small town. Our little house sat next to a set of pint-sized lakes where the neighbors would congregate for ice skating, egg hunts, bonfires and an annual pig roast picnic complete with the obligatory three-legged race. Every season was filled with beauty especially autumn when we were exalted with a blazing crown of splendor due to our neighborhood's disproportionate mature tree population. The neighborhood members always seemed to stride with a certain air that we all were special to live in an area where families valued themselves and each other. The picturesque residence was highlighted by being a short walk to the Small-town's center which showcased an assortment of up-market stores managed by Big City escapees honoring their mid-life hobby stores dreams. In addition, we were not in the middle of no-where land as this Small-town had a major artery running around it for a speedy one hour ride to the Big City and 45 mins to the beach. We loved the Small-town and we often sensed that the Small-town loved us back.

When Tiger, our first child, arrived the whole neighborhood turned out to welcome him into our lives. Our little house by the lake was stuffed with people beyond the local fire code restrictions. The welcoming was joyous and eventful for everyone. And later, Peanut our daughter arrived.

The twist in my story is that our Small-town was mostly inhabited by people of European decent or white. Our children are African-American or black. This is not a problem from my perspective and I was originally embracing the idea that, "If I just love them enough…" racial differences would not matter. However, I would bring the kids to the local playground and it would be void of children of color. Our favorite pizza-joint, void. The library, void. The annual neighborhood Egg Hunt, void. Even our liberal Church, void. Everywhere we went, Tiger and Peanut were the only children of color. Our realization of the need for diversity was quickly becoming apparent yet the most alarming aspect wasn't from outsiders it was from our son, at age 3, was also appealing for more diversity in his own way.

Tiger often made verbal observations on his skin color as compared to his two Dads' pale skin color which we encouraged. It is our hope to instill a positive self-image of Tiger's cultural and genetic ancestry. However, Tiger's comments later seemed more focused (as much as a three year-old's can) and often pinpointed a kinship. For example, Tiger frequently said that the character Quincy from Disney's Little Einstein's show was his favorite, "…because he has brown skin like me." And he continued to be on the outlook for other little boys that were just like him.

(Diversity and startling discoveries: the Doll Experiment which I recommend everyone to view: The Doll Experiment)


DearPartner and I reviewed the school system in Small-town and found that our children could end up being nearly the only ones of color in their classrooms. In fact, Tiger and Peanut wouldn't see other children of color until high school. And it wasn't so easy to land on moving the family to a more diverse school system. Our researched showed a direct correlation between lower test scores and an increase in attendance of child of color. There are many theories on what is known as the Achievement Gap which I can talk to in a later blog entry. The question emerged: Have the best school system and no diversity or Have average schools and diversity. In the end, we did opt to move the family to a new location: Diverse-ville with a school system sporting a diverse profile and pretty good (but not great) test scores.

With Small-town having so much charm it was hard to find that same feel here in Diverse-ville. One day while house hunting in Diverse-ville we stopped at a new local playground to let the kids shake off some energy and DearPartner and I were overwhelmed by the amazing rainbow of children. There were a number of African-American families in addition to the Russian, Asian and Persian families all spanning the major religions and playing together.

We found it. Home. With new exciting aspects to claim and a better fit for our own diverse and interesting family.

Rocket and Earth by Tiger

Age 4 1/2 years old. Rocket Ship and Earth, "A rocket that already blasted off".

Peanut's First Beads – "Can I use foil?"

One more hair hurdle has been crossed. Last night, I adorned Peanut's two-strand twists with three simple beads: two small while cylinders and one medium pink star shape at the bottom.

Earlier this week, I had Peanut's hair in a simple two-strand twist style with large white sunflower barrettes at the base of each twist. And she looked adorable. The hairstyle took this rather fat-fingered unskilled Daddy-Papa two plus days to do when accounting for the breaks: Washing and parting on day one, and oiling and twisting on day two. From a skill perspective, the two-strand twist is super easy to do. However, with a squirmy 2 yo hairstyling can get cumbersome as Peanut's head is darting left and right chasing colorful elastic bands that I had given her as a distraction. Ok, so that was my Saturday and Sunday night. Monday, I take Peanut to school and I get lots of gasps and praise for Peanut's hairstyle. Most declare a mild shock that "the Dad" was able to do the hair thing. Of course, I always beam with pride with my little girl looking so proper.

Two days later, Peanut is playing in the sandbox and true to form takes a good shovel-full of sand and covers her hair with it. The oil and the braids while sleek and pretty do an excellent job at firmly fixing the sand grains onto the scalp. I was hoping to get 5-7 days out of the style… now what? I could fret over the loss of my work or look at this as an opportunity to try something new that might not succeed. Beads!

A short time back I had realized that the hair/beauty supply place that I was going to didn't have a large selection of basic little girl hair stuffs (barrettes, elastics…). But, I still went there each time hoping for something new to show up, and it never did. This time on my way home from work, I stopped at a new hair care place. And found, a plethora of beads, snaps (didn't know what a snap was) and other fun hair embellishments.

Now, I had thought about beads in the past but I have always wondered how to keep the beads on the head without falling off. Are they sewn in? What about foil? I had seen little girls with balls of foil on the ends of their hair but that looked rather tacky. There must be another way. So, I put myself out there and asked the shop assistant. God, it never gets easy to ask for help on the kids' hair. Everyday I feel the weight of judgment from strangers. And to openly admit that I don't know something makes me feel that much more vulnerable. To my surprise, I got the most wonderful response. The assistant helped me pick-out some silver snaps (finally found out what those are) and other beads but also, gave me unsolicited admiration on Sierra hairstyle. Even with Sierra's head full of sand and three days worth of fuzzys cropping up it still made me feel worthy that someone said that I was on the right path. Thank you shop assistant, you made my day.

Later that evening, I rinsed the sand out of Peanut's hair opting to not address the fuzzys in the interest of time and not re-doing the twist. I let Peanut and Tiger play with some of the beads while I figured out how to get the intended star beads on the twists. Then the big technical question, how to secure the beads? I tried the snaps, they looked ok but the scale was all wrong – too big. Foil? What if I used just a tiny piece of aluminum foil and tightly wedged the foil ball into the star bead so that it wasn't visible? It worked. In a short amount of time, Peanut had a completely new look. Score one for Daddy-Papa!

My little girl has her first set of beads. I couldn't be prouder to watch her little head swish side to side and hear the gentle click-click.

Welcome - The First Blog Entry

Welcome. Here we go!

I was pondering about my regrets which are very few when I mentally lurched on a specific regret. I was lamenting that I didn't write enough. My thoughts hovered around the concept of: "If I were to die today…" In fact, to be more exact if I were in the process of dying and had a small amount of time to comprehend my impending doom what would I be regretful for? Most of my life's path has been arranged by limited options giving insignificant space for missed opportunities to be regretful. I'll add a rhetorical question of: "So, no regrets?"

After a turbulent young life, I met my amazing life partner TheMan and subsequently God blessed us both with two beautiful and superb children: Tiger and Peanut. The arrival of the children instilled a sense of completeness and a significant amount of responsibility to my family, myself and even my world. Looking into the make-believe rearview mirror, I have no notable regrets which could distress my mind. However, as I imagined what I would think and feel as I hypothetically slipped into the unconscious world one regret did surface. My regret was the lack of writing.

Here I am in the mighty Information Age and I do not write at all. Of course, I write for work and basic communication (i.e. notes) but outside of that I do very little to journal my thoughts or even spend time to construct personal overtures to the people that I love. I have a rich and rewarding life with Dan and the children where I cherish the simple things such as small voices singing out, "Daddy-Papa" on my arrival home. With this emotional swirl I now perceive a sense to journal about this amazing life for my children, grandchildren and beyond.

Join me on my blog as I share what it is like to raise Tiger and Peanut.